How to Suck Up

Numerous people have failed to become Supreme Court Justices because they do not have the knowledge in how to suck up.

For your benefit, I've created a handy-dandy SUCK UP e-mail that you can send to prospective Presidents, CEOs and Messiahs.

Dear Potential United States President [or other position of power],

Thank you for allowing me to speak to you the other day. You were oh
so kind to take time out of your incredibly busy schedule to speak with me. I hope that your children realize their parents are cool. Keep up the great work. Your company is in terrific hands. Thank you for the privilege of communicating and
thank you again for your time.

Fondly,
[Your name here]

P.S. Thank you for receiving this e-mail and not pressing delete. It
shows how conscientious you are of other people. You are the most
conscientious person I have ever met. Again, you are conscientious
because you continue to read this run-on sentence. How does your spouse
not worship your feet? I don't know. You are too good for words. I
would praise you in sign language but I know how your busy schedule
doesn't allow you to communicate non-verbally.

P.P.S. Did I forget to mention that you are cool?